Is this Dumbelievable or is it awesome? I think it’s dumbelievability makes it awesome.

Who wears a kilt and a fedora while playing the bagpipes? (Can you imagine what his core is like? Forget P90x! This is the workout for you.)

And then for him to play the Star Wars theme and make it recognizable while going over curbs and ducking tree limbs on a unicycle? You sir, wherever you are in Portland, are magnificent.

If you see this creative genius, give him a high five…after he finishes playing and steps off the unicycle. He doesn’t need to fall and get impaled on his own bagpipes. That would really be dumbelievable.

5.) The Crying Game

When this movie came out there was critical acclaim.  The internet was still a gleam in Al Gore’s eye and spoilers were not out there to bump into.  After Jeff Greene was shocked by the twist, he promptly found the nearest relative of Ebert’s and beat the snot out of him.  Why fly all of the way to Chicago?

4.) Cloverfield

J.J. Abrams is a genius and I love his stuff.  He utilized all of the viral marketing ploys and never revealed the creature that was “Cloverfield”.  He likes the idea of a mystery box not being opened.  This doesn’t always work.  Godzilla with Matthew Broderick was a flop.

I told a friend of mine that is was awesome and he had to go see it.  He saw it, puked from the shaky camera work that wasn’t really necessary, sent me death threats through texting, and stalked me for a couple of weeks with a baseball bat.  He eventually forgot and we avoided a fight but I am sure someone got into it.

3.) High Tension

This movie rocked.  Until the very friggin’ end.  My Mom loves these kind of movies and I watched it with her.  She mentioned that is was pulled straight from Dean Koontz book…until the very end where it makes a ridiculous twist that is nonsensical, stupid, and there isn’t a clue that it could have happened that way.  Much like the lazy writer’s twist of it “all being a dream”.  So stupid French guy made it.

I couldn’t fight my Mom so I went to the French embassy and even before I could start my rant they rolled out the white flag for me and it was over. I refuse to eat French’s Mustard to this day.

2.) Empire Strikes Back

Because of the success of the Star Wars, there were long lines for “Empire”.  Some people were dressed up as different characters.  While waiting for hours, Doug Lipton walked out of the theater still reeling from the revelation that Darth Vader is Luke’s father.  His mind was so blown that he kept repeating it to his friend while his friend kept telling him to shush.  He didn’t and continued to walk down the sidewalk where movie goers were in line.

While many were shocked and wondering if it was a gag, Big John Humphries snapped though you couldn’t see his face under is Vader mask.  He promptly started beating Doug with his lightsaber and attempted to strangle Doug with his fashionable cape.  Two Lukes and an Obi-Wan restrained Big John long enough for Doug to dislodge the lightsaber from his ass and run away.

1.)  The Sixth Sense

True Story: After being out of the country for two months, Rich Gentry’s friend said that he had to see this fantastic new movie! About 20 minutes into the movie she leaned over to Rich and said, “You know he is dead right?” If it wasn’t a girl who ruined it, a bloody beating would have been reasonable.  If the friend immediately saw dead people, no one would have blamed him.

Publice Service Announcement:  Keep movie spoilers to yourself.  And when you hear yourself saying, “I just want to tell you this one thing but it won’t ruin the story,” think about it.  It’s good enough that you want to repeat it.  Let me watch the movie and see it.  With my own eyes dumbass.